Moving to Art Blog


Abu Dhabi Women of Color Network

Abu Dhabi Women of Color Network

33 minutes old. It goes live in about 3 days but people can still join as is. Just decided it would be easier to start a group of my own. Hopefully it will be beneficial for myself an others.

I’ll be making a Facebook group as well. But for now, I need to get back to setting up my art blog! šŸ™‚

i don’t think i’ve ever started a painting only to end up on the floor in tears. i feel like i can’t paint. at least not today. i can’t think. the moment i have an idea, i shoot it down. and when i work up the courage to beginĀ sometimesĀ  i can’t finish. i know my capabilities. but i feel like i’m reinventing the wheel. i need structure. i want to learn, but at the same time, i know i can’t keep sitting back watching others create. i have to fail, fail, and fail again. but failure is my deepest fear. until i can make 99 horrible paintings, i may never arrive at the one testament to my true talent.

today, lying in bed, i envisioned a beautiful portrait of daring flowers against a vibrant background. i wasn’t afraid of color. but somehow, just starting it became overwhelming. i need to get out something before the day ends. but i feel inadequate. i have no idea what my own voice is as an artist. so many textures and techniques i love, impasto, impressionism, hyperrealism, but i wonder if i will ever be able to do them. is it time that i need? i’m not sure. but i do know that time is running out. and fast. šŸ˜¦

So I’m sitting on my floor in front of the TV, winding down before my flight tomorrow, when I received a phone call from a sister-friend of mine, old enough to be my mom. She called to check on me, and said that I was on her mind. We’re not Facebook friends. I was so moved by this act of kindness– I thanked her repeatedly.

I hung up, with the intention to keep in contact with her, suggesting she add me on Facebook, when I realized: I don’t call distant friends enough for fear of “bothering them”, but what ends up happening is that all friends become, well, quite distant. Being an introvert, homebody, and, pretty self-involved (bad combination, I know), it never dawned on me until now.

I often deactivate my social media accounts–sometimes for a week, sometimes for a few months–just because technology tends to zap out the realness of Life itself.

And, social media will never replace the sound of a friend’s voice, good counsel, and a few hours of their time. I think I found my New Year’s Resolution, in February.